Discovering Something Sad yet Interesting

I was cleaning out my desk drawer at work and came across a picture of David and the kids...on one of our 3 family vacations we took since Rachel was born...she is 13. I started thinking about how I don't think David had ever taken a picture with me and the kids. That is so sad. After a month with a psychologist, I realized that I hadn't loved David throughout most of our marriage and did not respect him in the least. He drank every day and was obnoxious, did some things that were illegal, was controlling and hated my family. Even set up for his sister to watch our children while we drove to my mom's funeral. Why wasn't I stronger........and why would he be so controlling and hang on to me when he obviously didn't love me either.